Ego vs. self-belief
How do you know which one's leading?
I had a hard time deciding how to introduce this topic because distinguishing between ego and self-belief can easily turn into an intellectual rabbit hole.
But risking the rabbit hole is worth it, because you can be a more purposeful decision-maker if you know when you’re operating from ego versus self-belief.
So let’s get into it, Rick Rubin style - clear and intangible at the same time.
Ego.
I see ego as the part of us that seeks out validation of our worth.
In my view, ego can show up as:
Searching for external markers of value, and then mimicking that value
Needing to hear from others that we’re doing a good job, look great, or are smart
A stubborn rejection of facts because we don’t want to accept we are wrong
The last bullet hits closest to home for me as a business owner. I’ve had plenty of scenarios where I’ve been convinced that certain ideas would grow my business. Of course my first steps down a new path would lead me up and to the right.
In scenarios with huge degrees of uncertainty, the delusion of being right keeps you motivated on the path of exploring new ideas. But once you’ve gathered conclusive evidence that you’re wrong? It’s ego that tells you not to change course.
In a talk at Sanofi earlier this month, I described going through familiar motions as “doubling down”. “Doubling down” is a reaction to disruption where you hold on to what you want to be true, rather than to what is true. That’s ego.
Self-belief.
Self-belief is an intrinsic trust in your capabilities, insights, and intuition. It is especially important in the face of uncertainty.
Self-belief holds even when people and conditions are not on your side. You trust that you can navigate a situation and be ok regardless of the outcome.
When you have self-belief:
You have a greater willingness to try new things
You take in different perspectives as data points to consider, not rules
You can bounce back from setbacks faster than when your worth is conditional
People with self-belief can detach themselves from external opinions and outcomes because their attachment to their inherent value as a capable human is stronger.
When I chose to leave corporate and shift into entrepreneurship, my dad told me not to do it. He had always been a source of guidance for me in my career choices, so this was different. He was an entrepreneur himself. He knew what I would face. But I trusted my capabilities, insights, and intuition. And I knew that whatever happened next, I would figure it out. That’s self-belief.
Ego vs. self-belief.
Both ego and self-belief are self-centering. But one centers fear, while the other centers truth.
Ego centers fear to preserve self worth. When we act on ego, we do so because we are afraid of losing our ever-conditional self-worth.
Self-belief centers truth to live honestly. When we act on self-belief, we respect our inherent value and are willing to see the truth around us, too.
Neither ego nor self-belief always feels good. While both can bring us a sense of security, both can also be uncomfortable, especially when moving through uncertainty.
Application.
When leaders I work with are in moments of indecision, I often encourage them to ask themselves: “Am I operating from a place of fear and anxiety, or vision and purpose?”
The question applies here, too. We can rework it to ask, “Am I operating from ego, or self-belief?”
Think of the question as a cheat sheet. If you find yourself operating from fear, your ego is likely leading. If you find yourself operating from vision, your self-belief is likely leading.
When you have clarity on which side of the table you’re on, you can choose which side you want to be on - and take steps forward to lead with purpose from there.
Put this question in context. Does it work for you?
Boston Tech Week Walk - May 29 @ 9AM
Want to talk more about ego vs. self-belief? How to expand your capacity to lead in disruptive times?
I’m hosting an in-person event during Boston Tech Week! On Friday, May 29th, join us for a morning walk along the Charles River. This walk is for people leaders who want to expand their network, get help from peers, and identify actions you can bring back to your team to help them lead in disruptive times. Request to join.