Do I keep the toxic leader?
It doesn't have to be an either/or situation
I've seen a trend in growth stage start-ups come to me with this challenge:
A leader who delivers results, but who isn’t working well with others.
(Ok, I’m being generous. The word ‘toxic’ has come up.)
One founder-CEO told me about a direct report:
“People are complaining. But I need this person. They take care of so much that I couldn’t even begin to do myself.”
So the companies keep the leader at the expense of the team.
When I first got into coaching, I told myself that I wasn’t going to take on these sorts of engagements. Too messy.
But my view changed when my coaching shifted from being a hobby to being a business. I started to:
Really listen to understand the company’s pain, without layering on my biases from past experience with ‘bad behavior’ at work.
Observe how much harder it is for a start-up to deal with losing critical staff, than it is for a big company that has more resources.
See how I could be a strategic business partner while still upholding my process for coaching leaders.
I started to coach some of these ‘problematic’ leaders.
And we saw positive results: increase in team trust, increase in retention. A growing start-up even called me back to “work my magic” with a second leader.
So while I agree with the general sentiment that ‘bad behavior’ shouldn’t be tolerated at work, I’ll also say this. Some people:
Want to improve and aren’t given a reasonable opportunity to do so.
Are labeled as problematic when they aren’t the problem.
Behave in a way that’s a norm in one culture and misunderstood in another.
The situation may not be as black and white as it seems.
Are you able to distinguish between when you or your team have jumped to a conclusion about someone, and when you’ve done the work to dig deeper to understand what’s going on?
If you’re not sure, try these:
Go back to basics: have I shared honest feedback directly with the person?
Invite change: have I asked the person how they want to resolve the concerns?
Assess with focus: does this person have the capacity to learn and adjust?
Catch yourself in bias: do I dismiss people who don’t look, act, or think like me?
Involve an objective party: am I too close to the situation to address it well?
Bottom line? Assess with an open mind, and address swiftly. Sometimes there’s a path to keeping that critical leader without sacrificing your team culture.
If you have a problematic key leader and would like support thinking through how to handle the situation, reply to this email or reach out at info@coachingwithfarah.com.
Hear, hear! I admire the executives who see the toxicity and aren't afraid to speak directly, with care, with the leader. So often, that conversation doesn't happen and it's a missed opportunity for everyone. Not to mention, you're likely losing the direct reports below them in the process because they're frustrated that the behavior continues to be permitted.
The number of times Ive had leaders ‘outsource’ the toxicity for me to resolve. I find it helpful to coach the initiating leader as well on stepping into their own leadership before outsourcing the conversation/development.